Your doctor and midwife want you to have a positive birth memory. They want to help you to have a safe and healthy birth. You want that too. When you differ on how that will happen, most often it is because the medical staff doesn’t realize what things will help you have a happy memory.
Staff are busy with many, many tasks and can often forget what a monumental day this is for you. Just remind them and let them feel that they can be your hero. Humor works for some, and respectful talk works for everyone. A Birth Plan helps the medical staff understand how they can add personal touches to the sometimes routine care in a busy hospital.
Just because you asked for a change from the usual routine doesn’t mean the doctor or midwife will punish you or stop being respectful. Talk about it. If you are worried, state your worry. You can say, “Doctor, I want to continue to work with you but I do not want to be induced early (or whatever your concern is). What else can we do to meet your concerns and what are you willing to do to meet mine?”
Ask:
- Why a procedure is being recommended
- What the risks are with the procedure.
- What the risks are if you don’t do it.
- If you decide to wait, what should you watch for.
- Are there alternatives? If there are, ask the same questions about the alternative.
Make a relationship with your caregiver by being open and talking about your concerns, but also about what you would like to see happen. If you are flexible and willing to change if medical needs become apparent, then the caregivers will see you are willing to work with them. They know that they can help you with the skills they have.
If you want something different than the skills your doctor has, you may need to bring in a person who does. A doula can help you with the goal of a natural birth, for instance, when an obstetrician may be willing to support that goal, but not have the time or training to give practical help.
Sometimes, you may have to change caregivers to find someone who can work respectfully with you. When you look back at your birth in five years, do you want to remember a respectful relationship or being afraid to change? But talk to your doctor first, don’t assume they can’t support a change. It is up to you to bring it up and follow it up.